Play time with Daddy

I got to spend some play time alone with my baby girl today and that was fun. We did an arts and crafts project where we made a bouncy ball. We played some computer games, and watched movies together
It was a ton of fun

I'm fighting some kind of head cold or something and its kicking my but, wont be up late tonight

the day in review

I've lounged around on the couch and did pretty much nothing.. I'm just tired and all I want to do is sleep and let the day slip by me.

I feel lost

Like i have no place to go and no purpose in being. i'm rather tired of this feeling.

Another day goes by...again

So yesterday I left a part time job I had been working at on and off for the last month or two. In the last few weeks it was looking like it would turn into something serious. But the stress of it was making me vomit daily, and the anxiety I felt was getting to the point I was seeing things again.

So now I'm back to finding ways to fill my days. I need an outlet.

Happy Birthday to my Bear Cub

I can't believe it but he's 11 years old today, how about that? He keeps growing up and keeps being surprisingly smart and inventive and creative. My boy is great, and no I'm not just a biased dad, I know he's a kind hearted smart kid.

The Remains of the day, and such

So in THIS post I get to recount the wonderful things that have happened to me today.

It started out that i was seeing the gravelings again, you know the little smokey gremlin dudes that crawl at the corner of you sight and cause mayhem and mischief, (as seen on the lovely show Dead Like Me). Then I had a hard shakey spell at my lunch break. More odd flashes of things through out the day. Another bad set of shakes at the restaurant for dinner and more solid flashes of things not there.

I saw a car flash into a dragon (like lightning striking quickly and i saw the dragon, but there was no lightning. Then I flashed on some odd things, the feeling of dread and doom overwhelmed me. I've been feeling like there is a great hairy beast following me breathing down my neck and I think I just saw a fish floating in the kitchen. I've taking the anti-psychotic for it but I'm not feeling overwhelmingly better, and it has had time to take effect. We shall see what happens next

Happy Birthday to my wonderful Girls

Today is the Joint Birthday of both my Beloved wife and my little angle daughter(ok, with devil horns but still). The wife is I can't tell and the baby girl is 5 whole years old, wow where did the time go. I love them both so very much and hope they had a good day. We went to O'Charleys and had a nice dinner.

I stayed pretty busy with my outside ongoing project I can't talk about. See the next blog posting about that and its results.

a busy day

I've been swamped with things todo today. busy busy busy. Watched "Snakes On a Plane" finally horribly bad, so bad its good in fact. I expected a lot more f-bombs but was disappointed.
Tupelo now has a Good Will Book Store. We spent some time there today, I picked up an item or two, including a collection of short works by Roger Zelasny. Doing some reading of that now.

today

Today has been mostly better than previous days, mostly because i was busy all day long. Keeping busy helps.

I've been pretty sick at my stomach, lost my lunch and didnt eat much for supper. I'm heading to bead early to rest, tomorrow is another long day.

Depression

I'm spiraling into another depressive cycle and its getting worse daily. I dont want to get out of bed, i give my family hell for expecting me to be with them instead of napping, and it just keeps getting worse. I'm calling my therapist in the morning and asking for some kind of help.

I need help, and I just dont know where to get it. Its not in me anymore, the strength I used to have is all sapped.

Hello world

Its yet another day for me, struggling with feeling worthless and just wanting to lie around and do nothing, its hard.

I know they sound like excuses but I really do think I'm not right on my meds, that the meds I'm on are not enough or the right ones. All I want is to sleep. I judge my day by how long i have to stay up.
Why am I like this? what is the point of it, and how do i get better?

I've been told i dont act like i want to get better, but i dont know HOW to get better, i really dont

Another day goes by

Another day goes by me,
Another day slips away
I wonder what it will be
What fate will roll for me today.

I struggle daily with the feeling
That I am not worth a damn
That my existence has no meaning
That my life is just a sham

I wonder if I can keep on standing
I wonder how I've made it through
I Look back at my beginning
I don't see a single clue

I don't know where I'm going
I can't remember where I've been
I don't know what my cards are showing
I don't know where this will end

Angie's Surgery

Angie, my much beloved wife, had surgery today. It was an outpatient but still a pretty big deal. Surgery was very fist thing this morning, around 7 am and we came home by Noon. She's doing ok, but very sore and tired. I feel pretty bad for her, and am going to try to get her to go to bed early and get some rest.
She's my rock, and now I need to be her's

I been down so low

I've been pretty far in the dumps yesterday and today, I don't have any energy and just want to lay about doing nothing. I don't think this new medicine routine is helping me any.

I need to call and see if they can do something else, this stuff just seems to be keeping me down.

It's Cold

its 17 degrees and its cold. I've been fighting getting sick all day and I hope I can feel better.

I have so much i need to do, but no time or energy to do it.
I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a couple days, I know there is no excuse.

Change being the only constant...

So I talked to my Therapists/Doctor today. I need to make some changes. First thing to do is move the computer OUT of the bedroom so that I'm not isolating myself from the family and the world all the time. Having the computer in the kitchen is not what I wanted but we do what we need to do in order to progress. Progress is what I need right now, I've felt alot like I was moving backwards, getting worse and not better.

The next big change is to get myself on a regular routine, a schedule of some sort. Having a working routine will be a needed step to getting me back to some semblance of a normal life. I knew this and that is why I wanted to be regular about the blog, It has just been hard to keep myself on task, for which I am greatly sorry. I'll do my best to do better here on out.

I wish you all the best and hope the year ahead is better than the year behind for everyone.

Sincerely,

Joshua

Happy New Year everyone

I hope the year ahead is better than the year behind, I hope that things improve in everyone's life. I hope that the changes coming are for the best.

I fear the change, and worry that it won't be good. I fear the new year, and what surprises it holds. Hope and Fear intermingled, I guess that is what life is for everyone.