I haven't mentioned this before...

I thought it not polite to speak of this item. My wife has been sick, in regards to female problems, for the last month. Drs. seem rather unable to be of much help and she's lost so much blood they had to transfuse her. Its been hard on her, and she feels very week and tired. This likely is a contributing factor to my recent battle with depression. I count on my wife, my beloved, to be my rock and my foundation. The thing is, I probably rely too much on her strength, let it hold too much of me. I need to be more stable on my own feet.

All I've wanted to do for a while now is sleep, or if not sleep, lie down quietly and rest. It takes all the strength I have to be up and about. And my mornings are horrible, I try to wake up with the kids but I just keep falling back to sleep, I'm of no help what so ever. I promise to try to do better.

I can not point to a thing, a singular item or event that has me in this down turn. I don't know if there even is a reason, if it's not fully chemical. I just want to be asleep, away from the world for a bit, with no time to have to try to kill.

This mindset, and my own addictive nature has gotten me in trouble before. Several months ago I had a problem with over the counter and prescription sleep aides. I owned up to my problem and haven't taken either since, but part of me wants to, part of me just wants to sleep the days away. I don't know why but it is there.

And I think I'm doing ok...as far as curbing the desire to sleep on my own. NOT fixed, not even good, but OK, as in 50% good. I don't know how to fight it off. I'm unsure as to what to do about it. I see my new therapist on Monday so maybe we can decide whats going on.